in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
