Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I supernannyed him into submission
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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