So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
