Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
