Cold hands, warm shart.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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