I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
