You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
