Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
