david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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