Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
