No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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