I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
