I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
