Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
