I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
