it was like his penis was on wheels.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
