gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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