I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
