Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
