I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
