I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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