why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
