Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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