I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
