Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
