at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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