Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
