i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
