When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
