Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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