Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
