ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
