I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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