Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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