no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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