I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
