When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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