When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have feelings that need drinking.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
