capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
