another moral hangover. fuck.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
