I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
