there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
