yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
