i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
