Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
