Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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