You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
