Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Please don't give away my fajitas
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
