loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
