so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
