He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
