life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
