He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
