i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
