It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
